For a lot of
men, asking a woman to marry them is one of the scariest things they'll ever
have to do. They feel pressure to make the proposal perfect and stressed about
what their girlfriend's response will be (even if they're fairly certain she'll
say "yes.") The good news is that most women won't base their answer
on whether or not the proposal is perfect, so you can breathe easy. As long as
you put in an effort and try to make her feel special, then your proposal
should be fine.
Her answer will be based on
how she feels about you and your relationship. It is likely something she has
been thinking about a long time. So if you "mess" it up, her answer
is unlikely to change.
But here are some tips on how
to make the moment special, so it's something the two of you will feel
comfortable talking about for a long time afterwards.
Talk To Her About Marriage Ahead Of Time
Don't wait until you
are asking her to marry you before discussing marriage with her the first time.
If the two of you have never discussed the future with each other, then you're
probably not ready to get married yet anyway.
The reason this is
important is because an unwanted marriage proposal can destroy a relationship.
There might still be things that the two of you haven't worked out or discussed
before you're ready to get engaged. She might not feel like it's the right time
in her life to get married yet, even if she thinks you're a great guy. That
might change once you work out your differences.
You're investing a lot
of money into her ring and trying to figure out the rest of your life, you
should talk to her about it first. Timing of proposals are important. You also
need to make sure that you want the same things in life.
I know it's a big
subject, but you should try to bring up the possibility of marrying her
casually a few times before you propose. You can ask if she sees the two of you
married within the next five years or even just subtly point out a happy,
married couple and say you'd like to be like them some day. See what her reaction
is.
If it's consistently
positive, then go forward with your plans.
It's especially
important to know what her feelings are if you're going to do a public proposal
of any kind or it might lead to an embarrassing situation if she's not ready.
Get Tips From Her Best Friend/Mother
If you do
this, though, make sure the person you ask is good at keeping secrets or they
might tell your girlfriend that you're thinking about proposing and ruin the
surprise.
The reason
this is important is because they know what your girlfriend likes. They have
probably discussed, at one time or another, in what way your girlfriend would
want you to propose to her if you were ever to propose. Even if they haven't
discussed this before, they can get the information out of her for you, without
tipping your girlfriend off about the truth of their inquiries.
Also, if
you're not sure whether or not she'll like a certain ring or certain detail of
the proposal, you can ask them for advice. Because they care for your
girlfriend so much, they'll be just as excited about the proposal as you are,
so they'll be more than likely excited about giving you advice.
This can also
be helpful in double checking if your girlfriend is ready to get engaged. Her
best friend or mother will likely know exactly how she feels about marrying you
and can confirm or caution if this is the right step for you to take right now.
Ask Permission From Her Father
This is
old-fashioned, so you might think about skipping it, but if you do, there's a
chance that her family might get angry at you for skipping out on it.
If her father
isn't around, then asking someone who is a substitute, like her mother or a man
who acts like a father figure to her, is acceptable as well. If she has more
than one father, like a biological father and a step-dad, you might want to
approach them both, depending on how close she is to them.
The reason
this is important is that starting a marriage is easier if you have the
approval of both of your families.
Sometimes this
is impossible and you may know this ahead of time. If her father doesn't like
you, I still recommend you going to him and saying,"I am coming to you to
tell you that I plan to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I am coming
to you first out of respect for you. I don't know if I will have your blessing,
but it would make things easier if you'd give it to me." Then see what he
says. His answer may surprise you and even if he still doesn't approve, he'll
likely respect you for coming to him first and talking to him about your intentions
man-to-man.
Fathers do not
make decisions for their daughters, so you don't have to give up on your
proposal, even if her father disapproves. Just understand, it will be much
easier on your future wife, if the two of you can agree on at least this much.
Choosing Between A Public And Private Proposal
You should
make this decision based on both of your personalities.
Is she an
introvert or extrovert? How about you?
If you guys
both experience a lot of your life in front of other people, like having big celebrations
during your big life milestones (like turning twenty-one or graduating
college), then a public proposal makes sense. You do a lot of important things
in your life in front of a ton of people, so she'll find it more romantic to be
surrounded by those she loves (or even strangers.)
But if she
only has one good friend and spends most of her time reading books or watching
netflix on the weekend, then she'll be so worried about everyone staring at
her, when you propose to her publicly, that she'll be unable to enjoy the
moment. It's better, in that case, to either do it in private or in front of a
small group of people, like just her parents and siblings or something.
If one of you
is an extrovert and one is an introvert, then proposing in private (because
that's the most intimate moment) and later having an engagement party would be
a good compromise.
A lot of men
want to propose publicly because they view it as a "grand gesture."
This is true. It takes a lot to gather the right people together and make
arrangements for the perfect proposal. But it might not be what she wants. All
woman are different.
It's more
important that you show that you know her through the way you propose to her,
then that you have a grand gesture.
Picking Out The Ring
There's a lot
of stress about picking out the perfect ring. This is part of the reason why
you need the help of the best friend or mother. They likely know what your
girlfriend likes and can help you pick it out.
The most
important thing is getting your girlfriend's ring size. Nothing is as disappointing
as a ring that doesn't fit. You'll need the help of the mother or girlfriend
probably to figure this out.
Then you have
to consider the personality of your girlfriend. Is she really into jewelry?
Then you'll probably need to get her something expensive and the diamond in a
very specific cut. Her best friend or mother will probably know exactly what
she wants and be able to help you with it.
But not all
girls need something expensive or have something specific picked out in their
head. You also might be short on money.
So make it
something special in a different way. I'm not too into jewelry and my husband
got me an engagement ring that had both of our birthstones on it. He arranged
them in a way, so they had a certain meaning to him, which he later explained
to me. This meant way more to me than if I'd gotten an expensive ring. It was
romantic.
So if you
don't have a lot of money and/or she's not that into jewelry, then you might
want to pick out something that symbolizes something special about her or her
relationship. Like, maybe a sapphire instead of a diamond because she has
beautiful, blue eyes. Or the symbol of eternity on the ring because you want to
be with her forever. That can make it special.
But even if
you don't do this and just get her a simple, diamond ring, she'll probably be
happy with this,. Unless, she is the type who really cares about jewelry and
who you regularly give jewelry to.
The Little Details
Just like with
the ring, the little details can make the proposal important. You should make
all the details either about her or the relationship you have with her.
Like, maybe
you propose at a certain restaurant because that's where the two of you went on
your first date or you propose to her while stargazing because you both love
the outdoors. Make the little details and the location about the two of you and
what makes your relationship special.
They're not
important and they won't ruin your proposal if you don't have them, but having
them is a way of showing her that you love her. That you pay attention and
remember details of your relationship, that you care.
It also helps
set the mood and gets her ready for you to pop the question.
Write Down And Practice Your Speech
Don't try to
wing it, no matter what you do. You may think,"I tell my girlfriend every
day that I love her, I'll just be spontaneous and say whatever pops into my
head."
But when
you're in the moment and about to propose, you'll probably be so nervous that
your mind will go blank. It might even help to write down your speech and keep
it handy just in case you panic too much and forget what you are going to say.
So you not
only have to plan what you are going to say in your head, but also practice
saying it to a stuffed animal or a pillow a few times, at the very least.
Like I said
earlier, I've been proposed to twice. Both men thought they knew what they were
going to say ahead of time, even planned it in their head (but did not practice
it or write it down) and forgot the entire thing when it came to actually
proposing to me. Their minds went blank and all they could think of saying was
"Will you marry me?" and nothing else.
This is why I
say that even if you "mess up", it's not going to change her answer.
I am married to one of those men who "messed up" his proposal and
forgot what he was going to say to me. I said,"yes" to him anyway and
when he was more relaxed, he told me the romantic things he meant to say to me
afterwards because he could finally think straight again.
So you need to
practice, practice, practice, so much that you can say the words even when your
mind goes blank. It's okay if they don't come out perfect or if you forget some
of the things you were going to say, you can always tell her afterwards, like
my husband told me.
But knowing
them in the moment will make things easier for you.
Don't Kneel Until The End
The second you
kneel, especially if you're holding a little box in your hand, she won't hear
another word that you're saying. She'll be too busy freaking out in her head
and going,"Oh my God! Is he about to propose to me?" So you might be
reciting this amazing speech, but she won't hear a word of it.
It's not just
men who get nervous during marriage proposals, women do as well. I've been
proposed to twice. Both times, I had butterflies in my stomach and felt so
nervous, even though I was happy.
So don't kneel
or take the tiny box out until right before you are about to propose or she
won't be able to think straight or hear anything that you have to say.
Breathe Slowly And Relax
Like I said
before, having all these details in place is just to make the proposal that
much more special. It's just to show that you love her.
She's not
going to change her answer just because you couldn't afford the perfect ring or
because you forgot your entire speech. If she loves you, she knew she was going
to marry you way ahead of time. All she wants to see is that love in your eyes
when you ask her to marry you and to know that you will cherish her.
So
breathe slowly, in and out. Relax when you propose and try to enjoy this moment
as well because it will be one of the biggest moments of your life.
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