Why do boys always propose first?

It is not a rule that a boy/girl should propose first. Generally girls in India have a tendency not to propose first because of the culture we have been born and brought up in. This also applies to few boys who never express their feelings. Here are some reasons………..

Cultural ties

Right from the ancient times of courtship, it was a man’s duty to ask a woman for her acceptance. Being an Indian, a woman is often taught to be docile and sit back. With changing times, you might just want to let that guy you love know your feelings. No, you won’t be an out caste by doing that. 

 
Outrageous behavior

If by chance the girl takes the first step to ask a man out, she is judged by the conservative society. Don’t worry about it. If someone you love tells something to you, explain to them. Otherwise, remember – if you’re right, you shouldn’t step back.  Love knows no bounds.

Sounds desperate

Many of you would think that it’s desperate for a girl to propose a guy. But not the other way round. A girl chases the love of her life and it may portray a very desperate and needy image of her. If a guys does the same thing, he is considered  spontaneous, sweet or romantic. Somewhere, the blame starts with everyone for accepting and assenting to that image.

Easily approachable

This is a patriarchal society, and a girl proposing a guy can portray her being easily approachable. Despite a girl liking the guy, she has to keep it within herself to avoid getting tagged as what many of us call, a “loose woman” or one with no integrity. It is mainly due to the fear of being judged that she stays within the defined limits of the society.

Fear of rejection

Many girls do not take an initiative in proposing primarily because of the fear of rejection.  It’s okay. Rejection is part of life. True, it is quite difficult to overcome the pain and grief that follows rejection. But wouldn’t not knowing whether that guy liked you be worse?

Unrealistic expectations

Thanks to Nicholas Sparks books and countless Bollywood films, people have unrealistic romantic expectations of things which can never happen in real life. If you love that guy, why not accept his imperfections?

Waiting for the right guy

We have got to accept this girls, Prince Charming DOES NOT exist. Prince Charming isn’t God, and he is bound to have imperfections. We keep waiting for the right man and soon it is  late to understand there is no such thing as the

right guy and the right moment.

Pointing fingers at you

Every time you fight, he has the one thing to say that you hate the most. He blames you for proposing to him in the first place if you couldn’t handle a petty fight. This is one of the most annoying reasons.

The special feel

Girls always want to feel special. If a guy proposes to her , she feels on top of the world , special and all the more romantic. I mean, who doesn’t like the extravagant surprise proposal on top of the Eiffel tower.

The ultimate dilemma

Finally there is that fear of being worthy enough for the man. There is a popular saying ” A girl think she is never good enough for the guy she loves”. Take pride in who you are, go ahead and speak your heart out. True love has no parameters that need to be fulfilled.

It is believed to be an untold rule that a woman’s role is to accept the proposal or reject it but not to make one.  It might have originated from the stereotypical image of men being the providers both physically and financially.  At the end of the day, someone, be it a guy or a girl has to take an initiative and express – after all, all that matters is love. “ All is fair in love and war.”

How to propose to a man?

11 top tips for if you’re thinking of asking your man to marry you...

2016 is a leap year, and according to legend, St Brigid struck a deal with St Patrick so women can propose to men every four years on February 29th. We’re huge fans of women proposing to men and encourage any ladies thinking along these lines to go ahead and pop the question. Although February the 29th is a traditional date fora perfect proposal, don’t feel confined to just one day – you can propose any time of the year you like (take that St Patrick).

1. Should I worry about tradition?

Of course not! If the proposal is something you both want, what’s holding you back? Don’t let what others say influence you – you’ve got this!

2. Should I ask his parents?

How strictly you want to stick to the ‘norms’ of a marriage proposal is entirely up to you, but there’s nothing to stop you if you want to go ahead and ask his parents for their permission for his hand in marriage (just be prepared for ANY reaction – you may be surprised!).

3. What about the engagement ring?

Again, this is another personal decision. If you don’t want to get him an engagement ring, why not try a different type of gift? A watch or cufflinks would be great, and he’ll be able to wear them on the big day. Even better, personalise them with an engraving to make it really special!

4. Should I get down on one knee?

Feel free to do this if it feels like the right thing for you to do – don’t be afraid to ‘be more Monica’. 5. Should I prepare something to say? Although you may want to be spontaneous, it’s worth thinking of a few select things you may want to say when you pop the question. Maybe explain how much he means to you and how happy you are, and why you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

6. How can I make the proposal special?

This is where your personality and your relationship with your (hopefully) husband-to-be can shine through! Pick a place that is special to you both. Think of important memories you have together and don’t worry if you want to propose somewhere that may seem ‘ordinary’ to anyone else. If it’s special to both of you, it’s worth it.

7. How can I beat my nerves?

It’s natural to be nervous before you propose, which is why it’s great to remind yourself of why you’re doing this, what you’re planning to say and how exciting it’ll be when he says yes! You’ll find the eventual moment empowering and your nerves will disappear!

8. What if I have expectations about the proposal?

You can’t plan how he will react, and although we’re sure he’ll be delighted, if you have big expectations and you’re imagining him jumping up and down with joy and crying, you may be disappointed if this doesn’t happen (of course, it might do! Who knows until you propose!)

9. What if (shock, horror) he says no?

Like any proposal, there is the chance that the answer may not be what you hoped for. If there’s a pause after you ask, don’t worry! There could be many reasons why it’s not an instant yes, so don’t make any assumptions. Maybe the idea of marriage hasn’t occurred to him, or maybe he’s feeling a bit put-out because he was planning a proposal himself and you got there first! So don’t stress about it.

10. What will other people say about me proposing?

There’s no feeling like the excitement of announcing an engagement to your family and friends. You’ll find most people will love the idea of you proposing, especially when they see how happy the two of you are, and of course you’ll have a unique proposal story to share! If you do experience any rude comments (ahem), politely state that you don’t think it matters who proposed as long as the two of you are happy together (and it’s 2016 not 1916, thank you very much!)

11. What if I think he’s planning his own proposal?

This is a tricky one, but don’t be put off if you have your heart set on proposing yourself. After all, if he is planning to propose, he’s clearly excited about spending the rest of his life with you and you can just beat him to it!

How to ask to a girl to marry You?

For a lot of men, asking a woman to marry them is one of the scariest things they'll ever have to do. They feel pressure to make the proposal perfect and stressed about what their girlfriend's response will be (even if they're fairly certain she'll say "yes.") The good news is that most women won't base their answer on whether or not the proposal is perfect, so you can breathe easy. As long as you put in an effort and try to make her feel special, then your proposal should be fine.

Her answer will be based on how she feels about you and your relationship. It is likely something she has been thinking about a long time. So if you "mess" it up, her answer is unlikely to change.

But here are some tips on how to make the moment special, so it's something the two of you will feel comfortable talking about for a long time afterwards.

Talk To Her About Marriage Ahead Of Time

Don't wait until you are asking her to marry you before discussing marriage with her the first time. If the two of you have never discussed the future with each other, then you're probably not ready to get married yet anyway.

The reason this is important is because an unwanted marriage proposal can destroy a relationship. There might still be things that the two of you haven't worked out or discussed before you're ready to get engaged. She might not feel like it's the right time in her life to get married yet, even if she thinks you're a great guy. That might change once you work out your differences.

You're investing a lot of money into her ring and trying to figure out the rest of your life, you should talk to her about it first. Timing of proposals are important. You also need to make sure that you want the same things in life.

I know it's a big subject, but you should try to bring up the possibility of marrying her casually a few times before you propose. You can ask if she sees the two of you married within the next five years or even just subtly point out a happy, married couple and say you'd like to be like them some day. See what her reaction is.

If it's consistently positive, then go forward with your plans.

It's especially important to know what her feelings are if you're going to do a public proposal of any kind or it might lead to an embarrassing situation if she's not ready.

Get Tips From Her Best Friend/Mother

If you do this, though, make sure the person you ask is good at keeping secrets or they might tell your girlfriend that you're thinking about proposing and ruin the surprise.

The reason this is important is because they know what your girlfriend likes. They have probably discussed, at one time or another, in what way your girlfriend would want you to propose to her if you were ever to propose. Even if they haven't discussed this before, they can get the information out of her for you, without tipping your girlfriend off about the truth of their inquiries.

Also, if you're not sure whether or not she'll like a certain ring or certain detail of the proposal, you can ask them for advice. Because they care for your girlfriend so much, they'll be just as excited about the proposal as you are, so they'll be more than likely excited about giving you advice.

This can also be helpful in double checking if your girlfriend is ready to get engaged. Her best friend or mother will likely know exactly how she feels about marrying you and can confirm or caution if this is the right step for you to take right now.

Ask Permission From Her Father

This is old-fashioned, so you might think about skipping it, but if you do, there's a chance that her family might get angry at you for skipping out on it.

If her father isn't around, then asking someone who is a substitute, like her mother or a man who acts like a father figure to her, is acceptable as well. If she has more than one father, like a biological father and a step-dad, you might want to approach them both, depending on how close she is to them.

The reason this is important is that starting a marriage is easier if you have the approval of both of your families.

Sometimes this is impossible and you may know this ahead of time. If her father doesn't like you, I still recommend you going to him and saying,"I am coming to you to tell you that I plan to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I am coming to you first out of respect for you. I don't know if I will have your blessing, but it would make things easier if you'd give it to me." Then see what he says. His answer may surprise you and even if he still doesn't approve, he'll likely respect you for coming to him first and talking to him about your intentions man-to-man.

Fathers do not make decisions for their daughters, so you don't have to give up on your proposal, even if her father disapproves. Just understand, it will be much easier on your future wife, if the two of you can agree on at least this much.

Choosing Between A Public And Private Proposal

You should make this decision based on both of your personalities.

Is she an introvert or extrovert? How about you?

If you guys both experience a lot of your life in front of other people, like having big celebrations during your big life milestones (like turning twenty-one or graduating college), then a public proposal makes sense. You do a lot of important things in your life in front of a ton of people, so she'll find it more romantic to be surrounded by those she loves (or even strangers.)

But if she only has one good friend and spends most of her time reading books or watching netflix on the weekend, then she'll be so worried about everyone staring at her, when you propose to her publicly, that she'll be unable to enjoy the moment. It's better, in that case, to either do it in private or in front of a small group of people, like just her parents and siblings or something.

If one of you is an extrovert and one is an introvert, then proposing in private (because that's the most intimate moment) and later having an engagement party would be a good compromise.

A lot of men want to propose publicly because they view it as a "grand gesture." This is true. It takes a lot to gather the right people together and make arrangements for the perfect proposal. But it might not be what she wants. All woman are different.

It's more important that you show that you know her through the way you propose to her, then that you have a grand gesture.

Picking Out The Ring

There's a lot of stress about picking out the perfect ring. This is part of the reason why you need the help of the best friend or mother. They likely know what your girlfriend likes and can help you pick it out.

The most important thing is getting your girlfriend's ring size. Nothing is as disappointing as a ring that doesn't fit. You'll need the help of the mother or girlfriend probably to figure this out.

Then you have to consider the personality of your girlfriend. Is she really into jewelry? Then you'll probably need to get her something expensive and the diamond in a very specific cut. Her best friend or mother will probably know exactly what she wants and be able to help you with it.

But not all girls need something expensive or have something specific picked out in their head. You also might be short on money.

So make it something special in a different way. I'm not too into jewelry and my husband got me an engagement ring that had both of our birthstones on it. He arranged them in a way, so they had a certain meaning to him, which he later explained to me. This meant way more to me than if I'd gotten an expensive ring. It was romantic.

So if you don't have a lot of money and/or she's not that into jewelry, then you might want to pick out something that symbolizes something special about her or her relationship. Like, maybe a sapphire instead of a diamond because she has beautiful, blue eyes. Or the symbol of eternity on the ring because you want to be with her forever. That can make it special.

But even if you don't do this and just get her a simple, diamond ring, she'll probably be happy with this,. Unless, she is the type who really cares about jewelry and who you regularly give jewelry to.

The Little Details

Just like with the ring, the little details can make the proposal important. You should make all the details either about her or the relationship you have with her.

Like, maybe you propose at a certain restaurant because that's where the two of you went on your first date or you propose to her while stargazing because you both love the outdoors. Make the little details and the location about the two of you and what makes your relationship special.

They're not important and they won't ruin your proposal if you don't have them, but having them is a way of showing her that you love her. That you pay attention and remember details of your relationship, that you care.

It also helps set the mood and gets her ready for you to pop the question.

Write Down And Practice Your Speech

Don't try to wing it, no matter what you do. You may think,"I tell my girlfriend every day that I love her, I'll just be spontaneous and say whatever pops into my head."

But when you're in the moment and about to propose, you'll probably be so nervous that your mind will go blank. It might even help to write down your speech and keep it handy just in case you panic too much and forget what you are going to say.

So you not only have to plan what you are going to say in your head, but also practice saying it to a stuffed animal or a pillow a few times, at the very least.

Like I said earlier, I've been proposed to twice. Both men thought they knew what they were going to say ahead of time, even planned it in their head (but did not practice it or write it down) and forgot the entire thing when it came to actually proposing to me. Their minds went blank and all they could think of saying was "Will you marry me?" and nothing else.

This is why I say that even if you "mess up", it's not going to change her answer. I am married to one of those men who "messed up" his proposal and forgot what he was going to say to me. I said,"yes" to him anyway and when he was more relaxed, he told me the romantic things he meant to say to me afterwards because he could finally think straight again.

So you need to practice, practice, practice, so much that you can say the words even when your mind goes blank. It's okay if they don't come out perfect or if you forget some of the things you were going to say, you can always tell her afterwards, like my husband told me.

But knowing them in the moment will make things easier for you.

Don't Kneel Until The End

The second you kneel, especially if you're holding a little box in your hand, she won't hear another word that you're saying. She'll be too busy freaking out in her head and going,"Oh my God! Is he about to propose to me?" So you might be reciting this amazing speech, but she won't hear a word of it.

It's not just men who get nervous during marriage proposals, women do as well. I've been proposed to twice. Both times, I had butterflies in my stomach and felt so nervous, even though I was happy.

So don't kneel or take the tiny box out until right before you are about to propose or she won't be able to think straight or hear anything that you have to say.

Breathe Slowly And Relax

Like I said before, having all these details in place is just to make the proposal that much more special. It's just to show that you love her.

She's not going to change her answer just because you couldn't afford the perfect ring or because you forgot your entire speech. If she loves you, she knew she was going to marry you way ahead of time. All she wants to see is that love in your eyes when you ask her to marry you and to know that you will cherish her.

So breathe slowly, in and out. Relax when you propose and try to enjoy this moment as well because it will be one of the biggest moments of your life.